Meaningless

I recently came off Facebook. I was determined not to be a drama llama and announce that I was leaving beforehand as I hate it when other people do that. However, by quietly slipping out the back door a funny thing happened... no-one really noticed I was gone. I'm not sure what I expected to happen, or what I wanted to happen, but the deafening silence that followed was sobering to say the least. It got me thinking. A lot.

The first thing I noticed about not being on Facebook was how much of a habit it had become. The first thing I do each morning is look at my phone to see what notifications I've got. This usually then leads to me checking Facebook and catching up on all the stuff in my news feed. By not being on there anymore I felt really out of the loop.

The second thing I noticed was that I don't actually go to people's pages to see what they're up to. I tend to get updates just through the news feed, which of course is governed by an algorithm that feeds you more of what you 'like'. The problem with this is that friends who don't post much get pushed down the list and so can get overlooked. I have a few friends I have set to 'see first' but I realised that they may not have done the same for my posts.

I also realised that using Facebook is a way of getting stuff off my chest and I selfishly assumed that others would want to hear it. What has become glaringly obvious is that, actually, no-one really gives a shit. In much the same way, I'm writing this blog as a way to get stuff 'out' but as I won't be posting a direct link on facebook, the reality is that no-one will read it.

I should acknowledge that two people reached out to me by text to see if I was ok. This meant the world to me. However, those who I thought would be first to notice my absence haven't even noticed, or if they have they haven't acknowledged it.

I'll be honest. In the last 7 days I've felt suicidal. I haven't done anything about it, more out of a sense of duty than anything else. I know I'm needed and so I carry on but I haven't wanted to. I feel more alone than I ever have before. I dislike myself intensely. There are so many things I would like to change about myself but consistently fail in my attempts to do so.

Just keep swimming, swimming, *drowning*, just keep swimming...

Gone

Spring has sprung!

I'm so pleased that it finally feels like Spring is here. I always try to take the time to appreciate the beauty of nature and Spring feels like a kind of fashion show with all the trees and plants showing off their new outfits. Our town is filled with sunny daffodils and crocuses, and the trees along the main road are filled with pink and white blossom - gorgeous!

We've had a few bugs going round lately and I'm currently feeling sorry for myself as I'm full of cold. Still, I have it a lot better than many and am at least generally healthy with no major ills to worry about. I managed to find time to finish The Whisper Garden last week and I have to say I really enjoyed the story. As I think I mentioned in the last post, I'm trying to stray outside my comfort zone in terms of reading this year. So although it wasn't my usual type of read. I'm really glad I tried it. You can read my review on Goodreads here.

I've done my usual trick of saying I'll read one of the books I already have on the go once one is finished, but then end up started another new one. This time it's a dark fantasy novel called The Immortal Circus by A R Kahler which I've borrowed through Amazon's Kindle lending library. How cool is it that you can borrow e-books from Amazon? I know my local library also allows you to borrow e-books and I'm certainly not going to stop using the library as it's essential to the town in my opinion. In fact, having now got my Kindle Paperwhite (which is awesome! Never thought I'd say that about an e-reader!) I've had a major clear out of physical books, much to my husband's delight. To say that I have a book hoarding problem is an understatement. To my horror, I discovered that I have over 150 books (and that's just the spare room!) that are sitting unloved and unread. So, I set about sorting through them and identifying which ones I had already registered on Bookcrossing.com and which ones I hadn't. Those which were in good condition and not already registered are being donated to the library in the village where my Dad lives. Since October last year the library has been run by volunteers as the local council stopped funding. Having spent many happy hours choosing books there as a child I'm happy to do anything I can to help them out. The rest of the books were 'released' at the OBCZ (Official BookCrossing Zone) at The Purple Pumpkin Patch shop. The lady who runs the shop is also helping to organise this year's Bookcrossing UnConvention so I know the books will be in good hands and she'll help them find new homes.

So, yes, a new book has been started and I'm 62% of the way through it in less than a week (always a good sign). The story surrounds runaway Vivienne who decides that joining the strange circus that comes to town is preferable to her old life, which we are left to guess about. Although it's clear to Vivienne that the circus performers are no ordinary folk, she doesn't yet know quite how strange things can get inside the big top. So far there are various Fey folk and a handsome witch with a serpentine familiar tattooed on his torso (although it likes to move occasionally). Whilst it's not going to win any literary prizes, it's entertaining and great for getting away from real life. There are two other books in the series and I think I will be reading them too before the year is out.  I've also now bought The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo on Kindle so I no longer have to worry about dragging around a 2" thick paperback when I want to read it.

Last week I had a fantastic evening out with 'Mr Butterbean' where we went to see Elbow in concert. It's about the 3rd or 4th time I've seen them live and they never disappoint. This was the smallest venue I'd seen them at and we managed to get just a few rows back from the stage, with a great view of Guy Garvey. His voice is just so relaxing! Although I loved hearing the tracks from the new album, Little Fictions, the highlight for me had to be their rendition of Mirrorball. Here's Elbow performing it live at Abbey Road...



Last but not least, I had my hair re-coloured and it's now a lovely bright pink and orange. I love it and can't quite get over how natural it feels to have such bright hair. Perfect for Spring!

Guess who's back?...

Hmm, ok, typing that title put the tune 'Backstreet's Back' in my head, which wasn't quite what I had in mind to start this post. I was thinking more of a Shirley Bassey-esque gold-lame-wearing "I'm BACK Darlings!" but never mind.

Life has changed quite a bit for me since I last blogged. I'm now working for a publishing company and I've got back into reading in a BIG way. The last time I had such an appetite for books was probably in my teen years, when I would devour them during my morning and evening commute to work. I loved that feeling of being so absorbed in a book that you nearly miss, or in some cases do miss, your stop and have to walk half a mile further than needed to get home.

I decided that this very underused blog would be the perfect place for me to wax lyrical about the books I'm enjoying and what I'm really looking forward to reading in 2017. I'll warn you, it's a long post so grab a cup of coffee now!

I've realised that I've inherited a trait from my amazing Dad, the incredible Leo DeWissel, in that I am a polygamist reader. As a child I never understood how he could have more than one book on the go at a time. Didn't he get confused between storylines? Why bother with more than one book when you can only physically read one at a time? Well now I know. I currently have 4 books on the go, although I'm concentrating mainly on two in particular.

Late last year I started to read The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick. I'd started to watch the tv series on Amazon Prime and decided I should probably read the book before I got too into the show, so that I could compare them. Luckily the aforementioned Leo DeWissel had a copy I could borrow as he's a big SF fan. Unfortunately I'm not an instant fan of the way Dick writes (*snigger*) and I've had to put this to one side for now. I will definitely be coming back to it though.

 The next book I started was Follow Me by Angela Clarke. I discovered it during my research for an author's online book tour. Angela was also on a blog tour for her latest novel 'Watch Me' and I was intrigued by the idea of tapping into various social media as a basis for a murder novel. I decided I had to get the first book to see if it was as good as it sounded. I'm happy to say that it was and I finished it remarkably quickly (I'm a pretty slow reader). I wasn't totally sold on the main characters but I did find Freddie's character really refreshing, particularly her sexual freedom and attitude. I'm looking forward to reading the next book soon!

Next up was a book that many have already read, but then I've always been fashionably late to the party. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson appealed to me purely on what I've heard about it's main character, Lisbeth Salander. I'm a big fan of damaged characters and particularly strong female ones. So far I'm only 29 pages in and as the book racks up a massive 542 pages, I have a LONG way to go. Unfortunately, due to the size of the book, I'm not able to carry it around with me everywhere so reading opportunities are limited to evenings at home. For this reason it's taken a bit of a back seat to the two e-books I'm now reading on my phone's Amazon Kindle app.

The first of these is The Last King's Amulet by Chris Northern. Now, I'll be perfectly honest, Fantasy novels are not usually my thing. I'll also admit that the first thing that attracted me to this book was the fit guy on the cover (me - shallow??). The second thing that attracted me to this book was that it was free! However, once I read the description and reviews on Amazon, my interest was piqued and I dived straight in.

I LOVE the character of Sumto, a fat, lazy alcoholic gambler, who was born, undeservedly, into nobility. He is flawed and yet, right from the start, you can't help seeing his point of view. Why go to the effort of joining the army and having to fight, just to satisfy the expectations of society? Why break a sweat climbing the nobility social ladder when you can quite happily slum it on the bottom rung with a pint of beer and a buxom woman for company? However, Sumto's family have had enough of him besmirching the family name and racking up creditors. He is issued with an ultimatum; do your duty and fight in battle or leave the city for good without a penny to your name. In the face of mounting pressure, Sumto joins the army and sets about making good his reputation. Now it would be easy to make this a cliched tale of 'bad boy come good' and show him rising to the top of his game with ease. However, Northern takes Sumto on the scenic route through failuresville first, creating a much more realistic protagonist. I'm about 75% through this so hoping to finish it next week.

The last book I'm going to talk about today is The Whisper Garden by David Harris Griffith. David is the latest author to join the MadeGlobal publishing family and I was intrigued by the blurb of his book...

Mardi Gras brings madness, music, love and questionable psychic experiences. But it also brings ... murder. Falling in love was a good start for Jeremy. He had no direction until his garden started talking to him, and then everything started to come together. Was Voodoo or chance driving events? His life was getting better, but would catching the attention of a killer bring it all to an untimely end? With more twists, turns and quirky characters than a tango contest, The Whisper Garden is a roller coaster ride through a carnival funhouse.

I figured it could either be fantastic or awful, but worth a try either way. I'm very pleased to say that early indications have this novel pointing firmly to the fantastic side of the meter. I will keep you informed as I progress through it though.